For a very short time, I was the voice of positivity at my new part-time job. I was the one wondering why everyone else focused on the negative. Every day I fought against the "it's going to be a shitty day" mentality. After three weeks, they have worn me down. [Cue Rachel Yamagata song of the same name.] Now I dread each day just like everybody else. And I only work three days a week! I really thought I was on to something. I tried to see each challenge as a learning experience. I tried to face each day with a positive attitude, even if I had to manufacture it. Now, the old demons have crept back in. The end of the weekend is the ringing of the death knell. I could, to quote PJ's latest song 'The Fixer', "fight to get it back again," but what's the point? It is such a struggle to stay positive. Perhaps, as I conjectured at the outset, it just isn't my natural state. Then again, I honestly believe that joy SHOULD BE our natural emotion. Why can't I find it??? The frustration alone is enough to bring me down. It reminds me of a song I used to sing when I attended Christian elementary school, "Show me the way, the way to go home." Show me the way to be content, please!